Girls begin planning out their perfect weddings from the moment their Barbie married Ken. They make decisions on their wedding arrangements before they even meet the man they will marry. Guys: you will never have a say when it comes to the wedding day, so don’t even think about arguing in favor of a priest who raps the ceremony script. While these crazy young ladies prepared for the big day, I spent my childhood planning out my perfect closet. Don’t get me wrong—I already have my wedding dress picked out, but that’s it, I promise…okay, maybe also the flowers and possibly the song, but other than that, nothing more.
My current wardrobe includes the “What were you thinking?” shirts, the “Why are you the definition of lazy?” sweatpants, the “Too fancy to wear anywhere” dresses, and the “Why are you trying to impersonate Steve Urkel?” pants. You can see why I dream of recreating my closet.
A closet such as the one below would be suitable. I mean, it could always be a little bigger, but whatever; I’ll manage. If it looks familiar, this is the same closet Carrie got from Mr. Big in Sex and the City: The Movie. Good move on Mr. Big’s part: proposing by building a walk-in closet. Future fiancé—this is something you should consider doing if you want a definite yes!
My New “What Were You Thinking?” Shirts:
Personally, I love shirts that have funny sayings on them. I would have tons of these, if not for the fact that they are always overpriced. I mean, $30 per tank top is a little much, but when I’m rich and famous like Meryl Streep, I will be walking down Hollywood Boulevard everyday with these on. Graduating from Vassar gives me VIP access to that kind of life. Don’t believe me? Talk to Lisa Kudrow, Jane Fonda and Anne Hathaway—nuff said.
My New “Too Fancy To Wear Anywhere” Dresses:
Anything seen on “Gossip Girl,” I would like shipped to me ASAP. I’m being completely serious. My goal is to wear these ball gowns to the bookstore or coffee shop—you know, the usual. I would get tons of stares, but hey, maybe people will assume that I’m a celebrity who spends her extra time getting coffee or buying a book before heading to the Golden Globes. I mean, isn’t that how celebrities first started their careers?
My “I live in Paris, so it is acceptable to wear 1920s style” clothing:
Ask anyone that has ever talked to me for at least five seconds and you’ll learn that literally the only things I talk about are how I am going to live in Paris, how I wish I lived in Paris during the 1920s, and how my favorite movie is Midnight in Paris. I think the fashion during that era was the best the world has ever seen.
I’d like to end this post with a tip: use the site Pinterest to plan out your daily outfits. Pick a celebrity you admire and type in their name in the search bar to see numerous fashionable pictures of them. If you are in a rush, type their name and add “casual clothing.” This way, you can look at their clothes and see if you have something similar. It’s like your own online closet that totally wins over Cher’s virtual one in Clueless.